I lay in my bed this morning to late to go back to sleep to early to get up, a stray dream surfaces as my mind comes up for air.
I am standing at the end of the little death called sleep, on the bridge heading to the birth of awake. I await my que to enter stage right to begin the day so that it might end again.
The mundane habit of a day is much like the next and the next. Cumulations of small discoveries of life pile up on one another to make big changes from small beginnings to what I think of as the Big End.
The tiny simple days offer only anti climax after anti climax. As I pack these tiny learnings away what do I do with them? Like precious little keepsakes does one save them for something? Or are these little treasures of wisdom for naught?
This awareness we humans have has a purpose we hope. We have created a multitude of stories to go with them. We mix and match them as we match colors of hope and fear in equal parts. We have beautiful minds that are aware of the coming ending. We write beautiful songs and books about new beginnings, hoping against hope there will be one, fearing there isn’t.
We are so conscious in the morning about the big nothing at the end of this physical being. So we fill our lives with hard won objects as we tell ourselves we can take them with us, that they actually mean something. All this pain and laughter must have some kind of meaning at the beginning of a new ending.
We go through so much just to create it all. The end comes slowly or comes really fast. Either way it doesn’t really hurt. The mundane days make the build up bearable. It is the fear that does the hurting. We do all these other things to numb it, to make the hardness softer. We laugh when someone says, “well, you can’t take it with you”, as we hope desperately to do just that. Legacy is huge! Everyone wants to leave one behind. Why? Maybe you can take it with you, better not take a chance, maybe Santa Claus really does know who’s Naughty or Nice.
It’s all conjuncture as the sun comes up again as I lay in my bed sleep leaving my eyes. time to get up and move through the day preparing for it’s ending once again.