I am on new ground now, finally free from many decades of ‘taking care of business’.
The letters behind my name became an anchor that I have finally broken free from.
You have a standing invitation to walk with me here, where the living is easy and uncluttered.
I lay in my bed this morning to late to go back to sleep to early to get up, a stray dream surfaces as my mind comes up for air.
I am standing at the end of the little death called sleep, on the bridge heading to the birth of awake. I await my que to enter stage right to begin the day so that it might end again.
The mundane habit of a day is much like the next and the next. Cumulations of small discoveries of life pile up on one another to make big changes from small beginnings to what I think of as the Big End.
The tiny simple days offer only anti climax after anti climax. As I pack these tiny learnings away what do I do with them? Like precious little keepsakes does one save them for something? Or are these little treasures of wisdom for naught?
This awareness we humans have has a purpose we hope. We have created a multitude of stories to go with them. We mix and match them as we match colors of hope and fear in equal parts. We have beautiful minds that are aware of the coming ending. We write beautiful songs and books about new beginnings, hoping against hope there will be one, fearing there isn’t.
We are so conscious in the morning about the big nothing at the end of this physical being. So we fill our lives with hard won objects as we tell ourselves we can take them with us, that they actually mean something. All this pain and laughter must have some kind of meaning at the beginning of a new ending.
We go through so much just to create it all. The end comes slowly or comes really fast. Either way it doesn’t really hurt. The mundane days make the build up bearable. It is the fear that does the hurting. We do all these other things to numb it, to make the hardness softer. We laugh when someone says, “well, you can’t take it with you”, as we hope desperately to do just that. Legacy is huge! Everyone wants to leave one behind. Why? Maybe you can take it with you, better not take a chance, maybe Santa Claus really does know who’s Naughty or Nice.
It’s all conjuncture as the sun comes up again as I lay in my bed sleep leaving my eyes. time to get up and move through the day preparing for it’s ending once again.
I wanted to BE a ‘biker’ in the worst way. I was completely taken by the dream. The Vision of me in the saddle on my gleaming iron horse, feeling the wind pushing tears from my eyes, the lines on the road blurring into a long ribbon of white. I feel the power of the V-Twin underneath me, the straight pipes drowning out any other sound , so loud they turn the world to silence. The excitement rises as I grab a handful of throttle. The feel of torque grabbing asphalt as she winds up in first and… What ??What!! Wait a minute!!! I don’t know how to shift into second!!!
The dream always crumbled like a fender at the thought of how high the impenetrable wall of ‘How To’ was. So much higher than I could possibly climb over.
Fear instantaneously crashed my dream every single time. Where would I get the money for lessons or a motorcycle for that matter? How do you change a gear anyway? But I couldn’t drop the dream completely, it just wouldn’t go away. I tried to bury it with thoughts that came with my moms voice, “you can’t”, “it’s too dangerous”, “act your age”. But every time I heard the thunder on the highway my dream turned on like a headlight only to consume me once again. I was so tired of this dead end detour.
So I finally put the blinders on and pushed past the fear as I swung my leg over the saddle of my first Harley Davidson.
Be-Do-Have. I know… I have written that mantra before but it bears repetition often and in many different ways so I don’t forget. I didn’t have the words or understand how it worked in those days. All I knew was a great drive inside my soul, an all consuming fire of Spirit, a crazy itch that I couldn’t scratch, and it was eating me alive. Blinders is the operative word in the world of hard commitment. I had to put them on, keep my eyes on the prize and jump! If I thought about it I would back out yet again.
Have you ever have that itch? I know you have or you wouldn’t have read this far. Was it a long time ago or recently? What power did it have over you? It’s hard to express that extreme craving, the obsessive need to satisfy that burning itch. Anyone who has experienced it will know exactly what I’m talking about. It might be a dream of publishing a book, or skiing, or having a baby maybe finding ‘The One’. The same process of being and doing must take place in order to actualize the dream.
Someone coined the term “Psyched up” as two great words that express that extreme will of the soul where any uncertainty or inability to accomplish is completely overwhelmed by desire. Harnessing that desire is the skill in which one can be anything one wants to be.
So how do you turn a dream to reality? How do you finally scratch the itch? It soon became apparent that I couldn’t swing my leg over the saddle and happily ride off into the sunset.
There were preparations to be made, learning to be done to amplify my “bikerness”. The time of the terrible ‘how to’s’ had come. The dream has to be of such intensity and endurance that it will withstand the pressure and pain of learning as well as the failures that make it so rewarding. It also must withstand the boredom of repetition. One must be able to do it without thinking, create a flawless habitual reflexibility. There can be no room for error. One must humble themself to a teacher, a mentor or written instruction and still keep the burn alive. It is so easy to give up in the learning phase; especially when it’s a live or die commitment. Your dream must be strong enough to survive the beating it takes. So many give up in this phase.
It gets easier to rationalize the quit. Mother’s voice comes in loud and clear as I go up and down the road. Pull in the clutch at exactly the right rpm, toe up the gear, let out the clutch as I throttle up, all in liquid motion like part of the machine itself. Why does my mentor’s voice sound like my mothers when I hear, ‘your not doing it properly, do it again over and over, and over again and again, then once more. The itch is still burning, at this point it’s absolutely necessary just to keep going. Put it down now and you may never pick it up again. Your light will miserably fizzle out and you’ll be left in the vacuum with a bad taste in your mouth and a sense of ultimate failure. That’s the time you turn the key again.
Now those of us who saw the terrible ‘How To’s’ through and actually learned how to do their dream and got good at it remember vividly the day it first became reflexive. The first time I realized I had changed a gear without thinking was such a rush I almost dumped the bike. I was so proud of myself, but I got humble real quick. I got a ‘well done’ from my teacher and right away was thrown into another lecture this time about whether to use brakes or throttle to get out of a jam, and how I must be quicker than thought on those Life or Death decisions. I must apply this new lesson while changing gears reflexively, and most of all I must allow myself to hear the throaty growl of V-twin engines on the freeway in order to keep the dream going. Not a lot of time between lessons to gloat.
So how do you keep the dream alive? Well, for this particular quest I bought a motorcycle, a good helmet, boots and a very cool leather jacket. A physical as well as a soul investment must be made for the all important amplification part of the learning phase. Its an insurance policy that makes it more difficult to quit. So once you have decided to BE (fill in the blank) you must carry through with the DO part to amplify that decision . Whether it is a school, a website, a briefcase or riding gear, it will become part of who you project yourself to be in this new reality you are birthing. You add on to yourself in creative ways so life will open that door. You will naturally attract like minded folks who have their own dream going on. You will hang out with them and be named and thought of as that which you have willed yourself to be. A lot of work you say? Yes, but what were you doing before? Making nightmares come true about what a failure you are and will be forever? Dreams are what life is all about anyway, isn’t it? It’s called self fulfilling prophecies by some, dreams by others, but it is what we spend our lifetimes creating. Might as well be positive about it.
Be warned though, the ‘Do’ amplification will change your path and persona for good. Once you add the props not only the world will see you this way…so will you! To this day when I pull my riding boots on I feel like Superwoman coming out of a phone booth ready for bear! My habitual, reflexive learning curve has modified my persona. This could be awkward if I decided I wanted to ‘BE’ a ballet dancer. But it could happen though, yes? I can picture it, can you?
After all is said and done the final ‘Have’ part of the equation is no longer as important as it was in the beginning. Which gives proof to the fact that it really is the journey not the destination that is the focal point of the itch. There’s only one thing you must have and keep. It’s knowing without a doubt or contradiction that you are exactly who you say you are. Unequivocally, undoubtably and formidably.
“The purpose of life is to create your Self anew, in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about Who You Are. It is to announce and become, express and fulfill, experience and know your true Self”. Neale Donald Walsch said that and he was right. (Conversations With God, Book 3, Chapter 15).
By the way, once you learn to ‘Be’ you will never lose your Be-Do-Have skill. You will always remember the ‘How To’ of it. You can be anything you want to be as long as you use your magic powers to create the itch.